91. Met someone famous

On my last post “For Fun” I made a mistake.  Number 91-Met someone famous is wrong.  I actually have met someone famous and thought I better correct it.  I think I forgot about it because it was such an embarrassing experience.  And seriously, would you expect any less from me?

I’m a big fan of Jars of Clay and one year dt signed me up for the fanclub, which helped us score Meet and Greet passes back in, like, 2002.  At the time I was a little disappointed because there were a gazillion people there and basically just shook hands with each of them:  Charlie, Dan, Matt & Steve, If you don’t know.  (But you should.)  Nice, but eh.   Well, how foolish I was… How I wish that were the only time.  I wish it was only a hand shake.

2002 - Year of Awesome Simplicity

A few years later (I think 2006-ish?) we were invited to talk with the band before their next Phoenix show because we are supporters of their non-profit organization Blood:Water Mission.  They help build wells in Africa.  It’s doing great things, check it out sometimes.  Anyway, it would be a lot more intimate.  What an awesome opportunity!  But also, a wonderful example of what causes me to immediately break out in a sweat.   I’m a bit on the shy side and the thought of it was slightly horrifying a little intimidating.  I wasn’t even sure I wanted to do it!  dt was all about it though and thought he was a little bit extra cool for the opportunity, but would soon be humbled.

I was a tension ball of  anxiety so we went out for Mexican beforehand and I ordered a Margarita.  I should’ve gotten 3, but then probably would’ve thrown up on Matt’s shoes.  Either that or accidently wet myself.  [Please note that's never happened before though. ]  Anyway, we get to Celebrity Theatre and are let in by Jenna who is the Director for B:WM.  We chat with her for awhile about B:WM and random stuff, but find it really hard to find something in common or that seems like it is a natural conversation.  For instance, I start telling her about our recent trip to San Diego.

me:  Yeah, we got there and just started driving down the coast figuring we had to find a beach.  We parked and walked down to the water and noticed we were at a dog beach!  There were dogs all over the place and-

(said at the same time)

me:  -it was so…

Jenna: Oh, that’s nasty!

me:…. uh. cuuute.

And I’m sitting there thinking.  Oh.  Is that gross?  I didn’t really think about that.  And we each kind of didn’t know what to say.  She was really super nice though.  It just all felt awkward.

Then we were lucky enough to hear a sneak peek of their Good Monsters album, which we LOVED and immediately were excited about.  (Great album, btw)  That part was awesome and was totally worth the threat of wetting myself. [Again, note that it's never actually happened. Although now that I'm writing it again it seems like I did.  Oops.]

So we wait around and pretty soon they all meander out to our way, politely introduced themselves and I’m like a deer in the headlights and like, “Cchhheah! I know.”  Then it gets a little blurry… but I think what I can piece together from the conversation it went something like this:

• Matt:  So where are you guys from?
• me:  Here.
• Matt:  In the city?
• me:  No.  Queen Creek.
• Matt: And where is that?
• me:  Here.
• Matt:  blank stare

Attempting to ease the pain Jena says:  They have a 5 years old.

• All:  OH!  That’s great!  Wow.  Cool.

Deafening Silence

Oh, Dan is looking a something behind him.  I wonder what it is…. Hmm… nothing.  That’s curious….

• Steve:  Hey, you’re here, you probably want to check out the stage!  We can take pictures here.  That’ll look super cool.

Everyone agrees and we all flurry over to the stage.  So this is when we start insulting them… unintensionally of course.

• dt:  Last time we saw you the crowd sucked.
• me:  Yeah. (had to get in the conversation somehow)
• Charlie:  Really?
• dt:  Yeah, Phoenix sucks.  (but, um, glad you’re here)
• Matt:  I think I remember that night!  We had a new sound guy and were working out the kinks!
• Charlie:  Oh yeah.  I totally remember that.
• dt and I agree that, naw, it’s just that Phx sucks.  
• Matt and Charlie look at each other then Matt says:  Oh don’t worry, we’ll get them to rock!  
• dt and me:  Well, good luck with that!

Then it’s just awkward picture taking time at this point it was all going wrong – terribly wrong.  I’m literally slightly shaking.  Because, yes, I’m that much of a loser and it’s that bad.

Really nice guys with Insulting Fans

We try to make damage control, but it wasn’t happening.  Everything else we say seems to make it worse.  I can’t remember exactly what we said, but the way I FELT brings these phrases to mind:

• “And that’s when we named Lucy’s third nipple Harriet”  
• “You know how it goes, ‘when you’re sliding into first and you feel a sudden burst…’”
• “Yo Momma!”
• “Charlie, have named either of your dogs nipples?”
• “Gosh, you guys look so much older and fatter and oily in person.  Seriously, you’re like ancient.”
• “Except you, Steve.  You’re always going to look like a little baby.  A sad, crying baby.”
• “These lights must make you guys reek.  ’Cause I smell something.  Woo!”
• “Do you guys like u2?  You rock so much less than them, it’s not even funny.  You’re good though.”
• “Can’t wait for the show.  Man, I’m tired!”
• “Maybe when I get home I’ll try “Tune into Tokoyo” on Lucy.  Wouldn’t that be funny?!”
• “Bye guys.  Thanks so much.  Don’t forget, Stella is the perfect dog nipple name! Bye!”

Of course, it wasn’t that bad.  None of that ever happened, was ever said, or even thought.  But, good lord.  It seemed like it.  dt and I laugh now, but at first I swear I would turn bright red thinking about that night for the following weeks.  That horrible, horrible night.  Good thing they put on a good show though.  They, of course, were very polite and nice and all around lovely people.  We hope they realize that nerves get the most of people sometimes.

That, ladies and gentlemen, was the night I met a famous person.  I think it’s overrated.